Sunday, October 15, 2006


Today was just what I needed. As my posts have surely hinted at lately, I've been feeling very disconnected from my submissive. I could blame it all on him, but it wouldn't be fair. I even think he sometimes believes it is his fault. It's just a matter of our circumstances currently.

We have not been able to see each other for 2 weeks. I remember when we first started seeing each other 2 weeks was just about right. Well, apparently 2 weeks away from him, added with the stress that life tends to throw at us, was just too much. I have had a hard time the last week, missing him, dealing with some uncertainties in other areas of my life, and just in general feeling quite insecure about our relationship. I suspect I took some of that frustration out on him. I certainly aimed some of it in his direction in my own head.

Today was a chance to refocus and reconnect.

Today wasn't even a weekend together, it was hours, approximately 7 hours. We met in Sausalito, a small town just north of San Francisco. We chose that town mostly for the convenience. I have never been there before and still have little knowledge of what it has to offer a tourist.

We met up and I instantly felt I was where I needed to be. He was there to take care of me and attend to me and serve me and to put the stress of the last week behind me and to bring a smile to my face. He succeeded!!!

The first thing he did for me sounds sort of silly, but it really shows that he is really there for me, and wanting to take care of me and my needs. As we were talking on the phone, figuring out where I needed to go to find him, I mentioned having to pee. So first things first, when I found him he made sure I got to go. It sounds silly, but it isn't. He didn't say, 'can you hold it and we can drive here or there', he just made sure that my needs were taken care of.

So then it was back to my car to fetch my jackets, and boots I had brought. He told me he knew exactly what we were going to do today and it wasn't going to cost any money. (I've been very stressed about some financial issues lately. We originally were going to just walk the streets and window shop. He said he had a better idea than to spend time looking at things we couldn't afford.) He was right.... he had a MUCH better idea.

He drove me to the beach. It's a winding road through beautiful hills/mountains to the coast. A lovely drive with time for us to talk, and for me to look out at the scenery, that ended with us at a beach (where there was a restroom...just in case). You might have guessed by my screen name, I have a bit of an affinity for the ocean. So does my submissive.

Luckily, I had brought a sweatshirt and a jacket. It was cold and windy and I was bundled up and it couldn't have been more perfect for what ailed me. We just walked hand in hand talking, laughing, just being together. We ended up sitting on a log, eating his lunch, talking, kissing, wondering if my funny bird sounds were a mating call to the seagull that was looking for a handout.

Did anything spectacular happen? No, and yes. We didn't solve any of the world's problems. I am not sure we even solved any of our own, but we did connect. I talk a lot about connection. For me it is important. I was missing it, and wanting desperately to have it back. So in his 'little act' of taking me to the beach and just knowing me was spectacular for me. I fell in love all over again.

After a while we drove back to Sausalito and went to visit a friend of his and her live in slave. That was fascinating to me. Such a fantasy for so many people and here they are living it. It seemed to me, they are just like so many of us in alternative relationships...still figuring out as they go.

The four of us went for a snack at a little cafe, and for a walk along a harbour. It's nice to have kinky friends to spend time with. We didn't do anything kinky, other than talk about kink. It's just so nice to have someone that understands the nature of our relationship. To not have to pretend.

There were several times throughout the day when I reached over and pinched or squeezed my submissive, just to see his most delicious reactions. When were talking on the phone tonight after both getting home he confirmed/reminded me how much he loves to when I do that. He loves that I feel comfortable claiming what is mine whenever I wish. He has given his body to me. So although I can't exactly take it home with me, when we are together I can do just about anything I wish with it.

I can't seem to express how much today meant to me. I needed to be reminded that just because we don't talk everyday doesn't mean he doesn't think about me everyday. Just because he isn't able to kneel in front of me doesn't mean he is any less my submissive.

In 12 days I will come home from work to find him here waiting for me. I know I will miss him everyday between now and then. I miss him already. But I can and will be okay until then. Someone recently wrote in a blog something along the lines of ... a submissive's job is to reduce the stress of his Mistress. My sweet love, you have done that for me.

I love you. I adore you.

Your most contented Mistress.

P.S. I also adore and love hurting you.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Staying Connected

As a person in a long distance D/s relationship, I often find it hard to stay connected with my submissive. Sure, we talk on the phone. However, depending on our moods, those talks are often more about our day to day lives.

It sometimes feels like the D/s of our relationship is put on hold. I try to find ways to keep us connected on a D/s level. To not just remind him I am his Mistress, but to make him feel it....and to make me feel he is my submissive.

One way in which I have done this is with his underwear. Okay, you're either smiling or raising an eyebrow! I have control of the underwear he wears....and for that matter if he wears any.

One day a couple of months ago we met halfway between his home and mine to go underwear shopping. I asked him to determine how many pairs realistically he needed. (Allowing for times when laundry can't be done and such.) He gave me a number and we went with that.

I wanted him to have several different styles for me to choose from. We ended up with briefs(cotton and satiny ones), boxer briefs and boxers(cotton and silky). I then added a thong, a string bikini (for men) and a couple pairs of ..... sort of like very short shorts, in a silky fabric. I don't believe any of these are white. I have a list of styles and colors.

I would like to say, I was originally planning on picking those I liked from what he had and then just adding to the collection. It was his idea to 'replace' all of his. Now, I know he still has his old underwear, and that's fine. I also know he only wears what we bought.

So on any given day when he gets out of his shower and reaches into his underwear drawer he knows that he is about to put on underwear that I have deemed desirable. He is allowed to wear any of the underwear, except when I tell him a specific pair. I think he rather likes it when I tell him which pair to wear. I believe it connects him to me even more. He is following an order I have given him.

Another way in which I have tried to remind him that despite the distance his Mistress is a part of his everyday life is to have him do push ups. Not many really. Currently he only has to do 5-10 a day. I think he first thought I didn't like his body. That is not the reason for the push ups. I love biceps. They don't have to be huge, just firm. His are firm. I am not sure he even knows I've noticed, but I have. Push ups will work not only his biceps, but most of his upper body.

This is not a hard assignment and it doesn't take much time. It does make him think of me. It reminds him I am in control. He is doing this for me. And let's not forget the fact that he is doing them on the floor, where most good submissives should spend a bit of time each day.

There are other things that I control in his life....well, at least one other thing. *wink*

I also like to give an assignment every now and then. I try to make them pretty easy to do. I don't want to add negative stress to his life. These assignments are often to connect us and sometimes just to please me.

I'd love to hear if others out in blog-land have ways of keeping their long distance relationships connected....or even ideas that they may not have tried yet.

Thank you.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Opposites Attract

Do opposites really attract? Well, if my sub and I are any example, I'd have to say Yes. We are so different in so many ways.

I'm messy, he's neat. I'm loud, he's quiet. I often need people around me to get out of a funk, he needs to be alone. I go out to eat, he cooks.

I believe opposites compliment each least on a superficial level. Like magnets we are drawn to each other. However, I sometimes wonder if we are drawn to each other because of our differences or in spite of them.

Yes, he's the calm to my storm. I'm the wild to his reserved. Do we see in each other the things that we lack in ourselves? Is that what makes us love each other? I think these things lead to an exciting relationship at first. My concern is whether these differences will keep us attracted to each other for the long haul or drive us apart.

They (our differences) have already caused problems for us. I can look on the bright side (like I normally try to do) and agree that they have required us to learn to communicate with each other. Well, we are still learning how to do that.

However, when I'm feeling a bit insecure about our relationship and need to talk, he might not be in the mood to talk. I can chat on the phone for hours and he is ready to get off in minutes. I know in my head that he needs his alone time. I try to respect that.

I wonder if he knows how hard it is for me to leave him alone when all I want is to be with him, or talk with him. This of course makes me wonder if the opposite is true for him. Does he talk to me, for me, when he really just wants to sit and veg out? Relationships involve sacrifices on both sides. Are we making unacknowledged sacrifices for each other? I don't mind making sacrifices for him. I imagine he doesn't mind making some for me. I just want us to both be aware when the other is making a sacrifice.

A while back we had a communication problem. He told me he would call and he didn't. Without holding back I expressed how unhappy that made me. I feel if you say you are going to call me, than you better call me. So he does that now. That first week he called every night and I began to feel like he was only talking to me out of obligation. (He wasn't instructed to call me every night, just to call when he said he would.) So I didn't allow him to call me for a few days.

He asked if he had done something wrong. Was I upset with him? No, he really had not done anything wrong. I was not upset with him. He was telling me he would call, and he was calling. I just felt like the voice on the phone was not happy to be talking to me. I would rather talk to you twice a week and have you happy to talk to me, than have you call every day just because you feel you should.

That is just an example of our differences.

I know I am jumping the gun, but I think about the future. What if we lived near by each other? (We are currently a 2 hour drive from each other.) Would I want to see him more than he would want to see me? Would he want more of my time than I want to give? How would our differences show up if we had to opportunity to see each other several times a week vs only a time or two a month?

Then I just jump further ahead and wonder about if we actually lived together. I have 3 large, furry, shedding dogs. They just might be better at making a mess than I am....and they NEVER clean up after themselves.

Would he go crazy living in the chaos that is my home? Would he drive me crazy with his cleaning? I have fantasies about living with someone who would clean up after me and my dogs, but I suspect he would grow weary of it quickly and then just become frustrated by the entire thing.

Would I feel rejected when he wanted to watch TV instead of do something with me? Would he feel pressured to always be UP for me?

I know there are people who would just say....I am the Domme and he is the sub and if he wants to be with me he should just put up with my way of life. Although on some level I agree with that. I don't really agree with it on a day to day basis. He is human. He is more than just a submissive. He is a person that needs time to be himself.

I know there are Dom/mes out there that say, This is my house and my rules. You can choose to live here and live by my rules or you can choose to leave. Perhaps if I only saw my submissive as a submissive and nothing more to me I could do that.

That's not all he is to me. He is so much more. He once wrote to me, "We are friends first, boyfriend and girlfriend second, Mistress and sub third."

I cherish his friendship! I hope that if 'we' don't work out, we will always be friends. I am friends with some of my ex's and my girlfriends ask how I manage to do that. It's not just me 'doing it'. It takes two civilized people to remain friends, but I try to remember there was a reason I fell in love with this person to begin with. I am typically a good judge of character. So there must be some good in that person that makes them a valuable friend.

I also cherish the man that is my 'boyfriend'. That is the part of him that can take control when I'm not feeling strong. That is the person who said we shouldn't play the night I was an emotional wreck.

(I had lost my confidence as his Mistress after he played with an ex Mistress of his. They have a connection and years of knowing each other that made that scene wonderful for both of them. She is a wonderful person. She was and is very respectful of my relationship with him. My problem came when he was turned back over to me and he was in such a blissful, euphoric state. How could I compete with that? How do I follow that act?)

Well, my 'boyfriend' stepped up to the plate, and reminded me there is more to our relationship than just Mistress and sub. He is the man that doesn't feel lost when I need to give up control for a while. He is the man that does some of the most deliciously nasty things to me that as a sub he might feel were wrong to do.

I also cherish my submissive. I cherish his submission to me. When he kneels before me there is no question who is in charge. There is no question that he will do as I ask. I have the power, not because I take it, but because he gives it. There can be no dominant without a submissive.

I guess that is what yin and yang is all about....complimenting each other. Opposites attracting. It makes it seem as though all will be well. I am not so sure, but I'm will to take this journey and see where it leads.

P.S. We're both kinky! That's one thing we have in common, a wonderful thing!

Monday, October 02, 2006


I'm sorry if you thought this was going to be about golden showers. Maybe another day. This is just about stuff that comes to my mind while taking a shower. I won't go through the thought process. There are many different thoughts that come to mind. This is one is about after the shower.

I have a towel warmer. I bought it a couple of years ago at Target for about $25. That is about the cheapest I've ever seen them. They pretty much run from $25 on up to ....who knows how high. There are different designs....ones that sit on the floor, ones that mount to the wall, ones that have extra shelves for folded towels.

Why am I telling you about towel warmers? Well, if by chance you are a submissive, slave, bottom...whatever word you use to identify that you are in service to someone, you might want to consider acquiring one for your Dominant.

Mine is pretty simple. It stands on the floor and is a modified S shape....more than just the two curves of an S. I have a friend that bought his mother one for Christmas last year. Her's is more like a ladder shape...sits on the floor but 'closed off' on both sides of the cross bars. I found I prefer mine. It's easier to tuck the towel in and out of the bars. It just plugs into a wall socket and has an on/off switch on the cord.

I have found this is one of my most favorite 'luxuries' in life. It was inexpensive, easy to use and something I get to appreciate every day.

So here is a bit of advice from someone who has learned through experience. Number one! They get hot!! Duh! But there is a difference between "Yummy, I have a warm towel!" and "Holy Crap! That frickin burns!" Here is how I discovered that. I have possibly the tiniest bathroom in existence outside of a motor home. So my towel warmer is tucked in the tiny space between the wall and the toilet. Well, sometimes you think the towel is covering the bar, and then your hip tells you otherwise when sitting on the toilet. This means, if it's on keep it covered with a towel.

For maximum warmth of your Dominant's towel I recommend using two towels. The 'main' towel can be folded length wise and woven in and out of the bars. A second towel, large enough to cover the entire towel warmer should then be placed over, well....the entire towel bar. This second towel does two things. It protects exposed body parts from the hot bar and it keeps the warmth in the first towel.

There are practical reasons to have a towel warmer also. If your house is anything like my old house, the towels don't dry very well in the winter. This warmer helps dry your towel more quickly, resulting in less humidity in the bathroom. This potentially keeps your bathroom less attractive to germs that like the warm humidity.

You are keeping your Dominant warm, happy and healthy.


P.S. Lotion warmers are another wonderful thing! Although the one I had stopped working after the first year.


Sunday, October 01, 2006

Just some thoughts.

I saw my submissive this weekend. We live a 2 hour drive away from each other, actually a bit more with the way traffic is. We don't get to see each other very often. We try to make it about twice a month, sometimes if we're lucky it's 3 times, if unlucky once. As it turns out there is a high chance we won't be able to see each other for another least not be able to sleep next to each other. But that's not what this is about. This is about this last visit.

The last weekend of September we spent most of the weekend together at a major BDSM event. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Well, in theory it is, and on some levels it was. However, because of the distance of our relationship and the little amount of time we get to spend together, our relationship really is 'newer' than the last 6 months would have us believe.

We put a lot of pressure on that weekend. He wanted to make me happy. I wanted to make him happy. We are human; we have fantasies....and they don't always match. Now, there are some of you out there saying, "Well, you're the Domme, what you say goes." Yes, in theory that's true. For some D/s relationships that really is true. However, we are still working out what works and doesn't work in our relationship. I am not the sort of Dominant who just says, My way or the highway. There is of course nothing wrong with being that way, it's just not who I am.

So we that weekend ended with some mixed emotions on both our parts. There were moments when we soared and moments when we crashed and burned. I am happy to say though, that we are both the sort of people who are able to take the bad and learn from it. We both learned about the way we communicate. My boy and I are a good example of 'opposites attract'. That's not a bad thing. It just means we both need to remember that the other person deals with the same situation in a different way than ourselves.

So last Monday I was still very upset. I had not resolved the negative feelings I was having and needed to do something about that....Preferably in person.

I made plans to visit him again.....which was just this weekend that's ending.

We had a wonderful time. Well, I had a wonderful time. I know he did also, but he should be allowed to speak for himself on that.

As anyone in a D/s-BDSM relationship knows, trust is a big factor. I suppose in every relationship trust is very important. However, if I'm going to do potentially dangerous things to you, you really better have trust in me and faith in my abilities.

I won't go into every detail of our time together, but there is one thing I want to talk about. Needle play.

I like doing play piercings. I don't do a lot of needles at one time. (Well, not yet.) At this time in my life it's not about quantity, it's about quality. It should be said that he doesn't like needles. He has had some bad experiences in the past with them. However, he trusts me.

We had a play scene leading up to the needle portion of our play. I wanted him to be as relaxed as he could be. I believe he had a good time. (Again, I don't wish to speak for him on this.) I know that when it came time to start the needle portion he came straight back to reality.

I had him lay on a table with a sheet wrapped around most of his body for warmth. (Cold subbies are not usually happy subbies.) His breathing changed as we got closer to what we were about to do. I know he processes things in his own way, but he did good at trying his best to follow my instruction. I wanted him to breath slowly and deeply with me.

I did 4 piercings yesterday. That might not sound like many to most of you. However, remember here is a man getting punctured 8 times (needle goes in, needle comes out=one piercing) all for the pleasure of his Mistress. Was it pleasurable for me? Hell yes!!!

What is it I like? The submission; the trust; the pain; the power; the connection; the blood.

His submission to me is the most precious thing. He is putting himself into my hands to do with as I please, and trusting me to keep him safe. Does it hurt him? Yes. Did I care that it hurt him? Yes I did care. I don't want to cause 'bad' pain. Did I enjoy that it hurt him? Yes, I did...after I knew he was handling it well.

There is a power to entering someone's body. To be allowed to enter it. I broke through his flesh. I am not a crystals and chanting sort of woman, but I will be the first to admit there is energy there. The energy between us, exchanging, being released in our space. He surrenders to me. I have the power not only because I choose to have it, but because he gives it to me. That connection is such a wonderful thing.

The blood. Yes, there is blood. Very little. Most of you, I am sure have pricked yourself on a pin before. That is the type of blood I am talking. Did I play with the blood? Not this time. This time was about making him as comfortable as possible while still doing what I wanted. Will I ever play with the blood? Yes. Blood represents different things to different people. I won't go into my thoughts on blood here, but yes, his blood is a lovely thing.

So, back to the scene. I left the needles in his chest long enough to enjoy some more play. Mostly genital play. If you want a boy to 'want' more of something he doesn't really like...make sure he at least likes part of it. Nothing like tapping on the needles while stroking his cock, or tugging on his balls.

There is a fine line between pain and pleasure....especially when you have a masochistic submissive at your service.

This wasn't the only play we did this weekend. We even managed to find time to talk and confirm that despite potential set backs from the weekend before we are on the right track with each other.

We are more than just Mistress and submissive to each other. We are partners; we are lovers; we are friends.

Thank you My sweet for a lovely weekend.

Friday, September 29, 2006

So here is my first blog ever. Woo hoo, a virgin. I was inspired to start this because my submissive has one. I was driven to do this because there seems to be so much in my mind I want to get out. It's mostly for me, but if you enjoy it, I'd love to hear from you too.